Saturday, February 7, 2009
Letters to the Few
To Ennoid:
I'm starting to not know who you are. Suddenly, I realised that I've become the Person-Who-Has-No-Money and you, the Person-Who-Lends-Me-Money. & then, suddenly, after I've got back on my own two feet (thank God), & have enough money, you suddenly become a calculative snob, every cent seems to matter to you. I feel like I've lost you.
You didn't used to be like this, we would lend each other stuff so much so that we forgot who's was whose, that how much we owe each other didn't matter. I think I'm losing a best friend, I think I'm losing myself. I don't know how to ask you what happened, I'm afraid to hear what you have to say, what you might not say and keep it in your heart. I realised that no matter how true a person tries to be towards another, some how there's always, always something that they're hiding. Something small or something big, but it's always a something. If we let go of one 'something', a new one comes along. That's what I've found out. Please please please, scold me. Please please please tell me what's going on. I would give the time of the world just to spend time with you because like I always say: You left something in my heart just by being the first actual friend to me. But sometimes, I wonder if you would do the same. If I also left something in your memory that is worth learning from, and worth remembering.
I don't know if you realised but I've been unhappy more and more easily recently. & I know you want the old me back, so I'm trying. If you do read this, let me know and tell me how you feel. I don't want you to be angry, I don't want you to be sad, but neither do I want you to shrug it off. I just want to be the best friend I can be to you.
To Nimsaj:
You told me we'd start anew, but nothing seems different to me today. Nothing. Tell me why. & maybe this time, don't talk so much, but just be there. It makes all the difference.
To Flesym:
Stop being such a mean pig, you. You're getting annoying, getting on my nerves. Stop throwing your silly emo parties because no ones wants a girl like that. Just shut up and keep moving. You've always beeng telling me to keep holding on, going strong, to lean back and fall on God, but now you're doing the exact opposite, what's up?! Slap yourself awake, look around. I thought you learnt something from your trip to Myanmar. Stop listening to the devil's lies. WAKE UP, cos I want to see the real you again.
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Love,
Zoie Esther
