Monday, March 30, 2009
Yesterday
I'm smiling now.
Just to make things clear, and to say things I couldn't say:
I wasn't crying about the position. I wasn't crying because I'm out of vocals. It was because I can't help it but cry, I have no reason for my tears. It wasn't me who felt it was unjustice, it was my best friend. To me, I've accepted the decision and I silently agreed to it in my heart. I can't answer you when you ask me why I cry because there was no answer for it.
I didn't complain about the decision, in fact, I thought it was what was best. Dionne was only voicing out her opinion on the matter, and everyone knows she seldom comes to church and that actually doesn't help the situation for she does not understand how things work so don't blame her. I've talked to her already and she's stubborn, but at least I know she WILL stop harping on the topic. Won't you, Dionne? Haha.
Anyway, I'm willing to change, I never said I didn't want to. It wasn't about pride, everyone just came to me, telling me what I've done wrong but most of them didn't offer an alternative. Not because I know I'm wrong and I still do it, but because I know I'm wrong and no one told me otherwise what methods I can use to keep myself from giving a "black face" or showing attitude. I wasn't showing attitude, maybe at times. But Dionne posed a very good question: Why was she showing attitude? Dionne knows I don't just anyhow show attitude. There must have been a reason, but no one asked me why.
It wasn't that I didn't want Jasmin there, it was because she'll keep talking and talking about stuff that won't register in my head. I want her to be there, just be there. Not to talk, but just sit beside me and let me know that she's there. Sometimes, I feel invisible to her, because there's so many things going on, so many new comers, that I feel like they'll need her more. But what I want is just a bit of her time when she's around them, just that little bit. She's always either with new comers or Valerie, I don't blame her, Val's her best friend and a very fun person to hang around. If it were me, I'd hang out with someone that fun too. But then, if she has time to hang out with her best friend, why not me? Is it cos I'm too self-centered? That many a times I LOOK like I'm self-pity? Is it cos I didn't meet up with my own sheep because they said they were busy that's why that's what I'm getting? I'm honestly confused. I want to find a way out and I will pray. But won't some one come up to me and say," Hey, I'm with you." Thanks, A. Thanks for the tag(:
Had to meet up with Joshua Foo yesterday because Dionne wanted to pass him something to pass to someone. Complicated, i
KNOW! I didn't expect to see Jaime and Calvin there too. In the end, instead of returning back to Marine Parade area to study, Dionne and I were supposedly to walk around Suntec to window shop, when we got to the very top level, we saw Joshua, Jaime and Calvin again! Jaime wanted to catch up with me and Dionne so we decided to walk around a bit. Don't know where the two guys went BUT after that, we found where they were and sat down to play Joshua Foo's guitar. Haha, I saw Jordon and another guy which Jaime told me his name was 'Gay'. It was actually Johnathan or something, haha!
Ate Pepper Lunch for dinner then we all went home. Jaime went off first and Dionne and I abducted Joshua's guitar, forcing him to go downstairs my block to sing or we'll not only scratch his beloved guitar but also blackmail him:DD Hoho. He did sing, but so wee-bit soft only ants can hear him! I'm an ant and I can hear him:D That was how I knew which part of the song he was at. Even the strumming was louder than his voice! It wasn't that bad though, he didn't sound that bad as he made himself out to be. Sent Dionne home then sent Joshua to the bus stop. You all will be like, HEY, isn't the GUY supposed to be the one to send girls home. Let me tell you something:
If I'm a guy, I'd be the most handsomest guy around!
HAHA!
Love,
Zoie Esther
